As you may know, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has been covering fashion week (poorly) for E! News, because apparently being attractive and famous are the only qualifications one needs to be a fashion journalist. Over the course of his confused wanderings, he encountered the thousand year old vampyre Anna Wintour at the Ralph Lauren spring ’13 runway show, and entranced by her ageless blood-glow and perfect, shiny hair helmet, he couldn’t resist doing a little tactile learning.

One eyewitness account is as follows:

From our fourth (of four) row perch, we watched as his manager gave Lochte a nudge in Wintour’s direction, presumably encouraging him to greet her, both for his own benefit and for those of the cameras. Lochte dutifully strode over, said hello, and went in for a kiss on the cheek. This was enough to send tweets flying, but the best was yet to come. For, in parting, Lochte reached down with one of his genetically-blessed swimmer’s paws and rubbed Wintour’s knee. We saw her face go from bemused acceptance to utter shock.

How totes jelly are you of Anna Wintour’s knee right now? She really does get to have all the fun. And I don’t believe for one second that she was really as flabbergasted about this as she appeared to be, because if she had been, she would have ripped his head off and drained him of his youth post haste. Why, it’s possible she even used her vampyre powers to glamour him into doing it in the first place. Anna got to feel her amphibious cover boy’s sweet caress and be seen as having tantalizing legs, and Lochte now has an amusing anecdote to tell at parties and on talk shows. Vampyres help people, sometimes.

(Via Styleite)

Photo: Erika Wright