skinny jeans with tape measure

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Hey lades! Are you tired of “only” being fat-shamed during the late winter/spring? Is the constant din of women’s magazines telling you to lose your unsightly bulge for “bikini season” not enough to get you off your enormous posterior and buy ALL the diet products? Well then you’re in luck! Welcome to “Skinny Jean Season!”

What is skinny jean season, you ask? Well, according to Self Magazine:

“Now that summer’s over (goodbye, flowy dresses!), those skinny jeans might be looking a little too skinny. We got you.”

And “got you” they do. According to their website, you can sign up for a week-long email program where you’ll get one “slimdown” tip a day. I signed up immediately, under the name “ImSuchAFattyBoomBatty.” Obviously.

After years of spewing the same tired refrain of “Top 10 Tips For Getting That Beach Body,” and “How To Look Sexy In A Bikini,” when did women’s mags decide that one season to shame us into buying magazine’s diet products just wasn’t enough?

I’ve been a fan of Self for years. I’ve long seen them as a welcome alternative to other lady’s magazines who tend to run the aforementioned body-obsessed stories on a weekly basis. Self obviously still has its fair share of weight-loss and fitness related articles (they are run by Condé Nast) but the tone is generally less “OMG lose some weight you beast!” and more “following this advice will make you feel great.” They’re much more body positive, which is why I was so surprised to see these this “skinny jean season” bullshit.  Et tu, Self Magazine?

The problem with “skinny jean season” isn’t that it’s encouraging people to be healthier, or even that it’s encouraging people to lose weight. It’s that it adds just one more fat-shamey marketing ploy to the already steady stream that women are inundated with all year long. Do we really need a fall version of “bikini season?”

I get that this is, in the end, just a marketing strategy to sell more magazines. But was it really necessary for Self to create another body-shaming season for that purpose? What’s next? Ugg boot season (“Tone Those Fat Knees, You Cows!)? Peacoat season (Tips For Losing That Unsightly Neck Fat)? Soon they’ll just have headlines like “Lose Some Weight You Fatty McFat-Fats!” and “Eating Disorders – Because Nothing Tastes As Good As Starving Feels, You Monster!”

I think from now on I will just burrow into my bed and hibernate all year long, because this whole year-long weight loss season sounds awful.