I really, really love these Out of Print T-Shirts. Because I believe in wearing my literary preferences the way others wear concert tees. Because I am tone deaf. It’s as close as I can get to being cool, at least until they get cat-hair all over them.

And I was all stoked to buy a T-shirt of one of my favorite novels, The Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs, until I realized that it was only available for men. Women don’t get The Naked Lunch, I guess. You know what we get? Why The Caged Bird Sings. Stupidhead Maya Angelou ruins everything. (In all fairness to Stupidhead Maya Angelou, I haven’t read it, and it’s probably fantastic). Did the makers just feel like I couldn’t handle all the heroin and pig Latin because my heart is so soft and ladylike? I am full of confusion! And I don’t know why the caged bird sings, but I bet it has something to do with not being able to get a women’s version of Naked Lunch.