While we are well aware that fashion isn’t really the main focus of Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards, we still have to admit: its red carpet was pretty awful. The multitudes of short, black, leopard-print dresses, the ill-fitting suits, the superfluous lace, the cutouts — oh, the cutouts.
To be fair, this is exactly what one should expect from an awards show with categories like “Most Unstoppable Jock,” “Hottest A(l)lison” and “Jean-Claude Gahd Dam.” But still, let’s take a look at this ridiculousness. Plus, there are like 2 to 3 people who look almost good!
Let’s start with the good! Jessica Alba looked very, very nice. Not sure I’m fond of the texture here, but the color combo looked awesome and different than everyone else’s outfits.
Professional wrestler Mickie James: short, black, sparkly.
Model Chrissy Teigen: short, black, sparkly.
Model Jade Bryce: short, cut-out (kinda?), matches floor. Oh, and has the ugliest shoes I’ve seen in ages. An ugliness that is exponentially multiplied by the leopard floor. For more on this awful look, please see our full explanation on why it completely sucks.
I genuinely appreciate any red carpet rundown wherein I can comment on the outfit of Snoop
Dogg Lio n Dogg. What was I gonna say about it, again? Oh, doesn’t matter. It’s just Snoop. Hi, Snoop.
I want to have a blowout just like Katherine Webb‘s errday ever.
Remember that guy who jumped out of a helium balloon from space? His name is Felix Baumgartner and he is wearing a maroon suit.
HI DERS I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I mean, uh, these are the guys from Workaholics: Adam Devine, Anders Holm and Blake Anderson.
Questlove being Questlove being Questlove. Insert smiley heart emoji.
Comedian and actor Kevin Hart looked totally awesome.
I know this doesn’t really show Jeff Bridges‘ outfit but OMG.
Not gonna lie, I’m a little shocked that more guys besides Graham Elliot weren’t wearing a tux-printed shirt…I’m pretty sure this outfit sums up the general theme perfectly.
Now, for the other dress Jessica Alba wore, Jennifer Aniston‘s awful hair, several amazing group shots and Burt Reynolds wearing makeup, check out page 2.
Olivia Wilde wore a black leather peplum outfit. I now have a headache.
Hey errbody, Ke$ha showed up! No wait, that’s Jennifer Aniston and oh god she looks silly.
What is this dress I don’t even.
Seth Macfarlane and Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Two ways to pull off the “youthful guy forever” thing. Only one does it well.
Oh, Bradley Cooper. That is all.
I really, really love Jessica Alba’s second look. The other one was infinitely better than most stuff on the red carpet, but this one would fit plenty of other places, too.
MY CHILDHOOD IDOL JACKIE CHAN. And some guy. Okay, it’s Mark Wahlberg, but you already knew that.
Amy Adams and Henry Cavill looking snazzy together. That color looks gorgeous on her.
Jackie Chan, Felix Baumgartner and Buzz Aldrin. AHHH. So much cool, all in one photo.
Kaley Cuoco‘s dress was a dress, I guess.
Aaaand Burt Reynolds, being his awesome self (but with a peculiar amount of makeup on).
Photos: Getty Images.