"A lingerie models walks into the International Space Station and Aleksandr Samokutyayev says..."

“A lingerie model walks into the International Space Station and Aleksandr Samokutyayev says…”

Some kind of major sporting event occurred this weekend and celebrities came out of the woodwork for various sponsored parties. Apparently in observance of an event called the Super Bowl, a bunch of large companies threw lavish parties with expansive gifting suites, luring out the likes of Candice Swanepoel, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Olivia Munn, Hayden Panettiere, Ashley Greene and more in their tightest, brightest and shortest.

Solange Knowles Super Bowl partiesSolange Knowles is famous, at this point, for wearing “fashion forward” clothes and being a “style star.” And covering “Stillness Is The Move.” We’re assuming that’s Alexander Wang SportMax. Also, we like her lipstick.

Stacy Keibler Super Bowl PartyStacy Keibler attends the Audi party, also. She owns mini dresses and big frothy gowns exclusively.

Sofía Vergara  Super Bowl party AudiWe’re surprised that Sofía Vergara‘s stylist let her out in a dress that’s been worn one million times already… unless…. look at the irregular pattern of the dots? Could it be–sweet God in Heaven–is that a knockoff?!

Kate Upton Super BowlKate Upton attends the GQ Super Bowl party, dressed in that “model off duty” way, only with heels. And a smile.

Ian Somerhalder attends the GQ Super Bowl party Ian Somerhalder and his jaw line attended the same party.

Super Bowl party sponsored by Lacoste and Mercedes-BenzUgh, gross. Guy Fieri dresses like Joe Simpson auditioning for Sons of Anarchy.

Candice Swanepoel Super Bowl AXECandice Swanepoel attended an AXE event (because she’s a Victoria’s Secret model and that’s just brand integrity) with an official AXE astronaut. Her face was very shiny and her bra was showing.

 Brooklyn Decker  Super BowlNext there was a party called Leather and Laces, which was attended by various hot people. Brooklyn Decker was one. Doesn’t her hair look nice?

Rachael Leigh CookRachael Leigh Cook was there! Good thing she took off her glasses and removed those frumpy overralls before walking the red carpet.

ayden Panettiere  Super BowlHayden Panettiere was at the Lacoste/Mercedes event. Her heels look really dated and we’re kind of philosophically opposed to white blazers.

ayden Panettiere But LOL.

Jenny McCarthyOh, more from the Leather and Laces one. Jenny McCarthy wore the most dated looking Herve Leger bandage dress we’ve seen on red carpets in… a year? Two years?

She’s dressed like Heidi Montag (before the Fall).

Audrina PatridgeOh, speaking of Heidi Montag, here’s her somehow even less interesting former cohort Audrina Patridge.

We’ll leave her and her tiny cross necklace be.

Kendra WilkinsonBut not Kendra Wilkinson! What in boob goddamn hell is happening here?

Olivia Munn Super Bowl partyOlivia Munn attended the Rolling Stone party and looked more grown-up than the last couple photos.

Anna Faris Anna Faris kept things simple enough to avoid asshole captions.

Ashley GreeneAshley Greene, though, was under the impression she was attending some sort of Guild-affiliated awards show. As opposed to a party for a professional sporting event thrown by a car company.

Will Ferrell  Super BowlOh, and Will Ferrell has this moustache now.

(Photos via Getty)