I like football. I have ovaries. And in fact I also like pink. Does that mean every clothing item the NFL markets to me and my people has to be that one color? To be fair, this year’s Super Bowl XLIX section on the NFL website isn’t a complete sea of pink, so snaps for the NFL! Kidding. They didn’t forget to include Patriots and Seahawks thongs in their merchandise selection, so…snaps revoked. Not to mention that almost all of the shirt options for women are embellished with glitter and look like something you could buy at Abercrombie. Not to mention there’s a deep V with the words “Finest in the AFC” printed on it. Cue dramatic eyeroll.

(Related: Makeup Inspired By Super Bowl Contenders The Seattle Seahawks)

If you like pink jerseys, go ahead and rock one on Sunday! Seriously, do you girl. But if you’re looking for something, perhaps, in the colors of your team, here are some non-ridiculous options.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Blue, red, white, and Tom Brady. Who the hell needs pink?

Patriots Super Bowl XLIX Player Pride Shirt ($32)

tom brady new england patriots shirtPersonally I prefer wearing Dry Fit Nike shirts like this to actual jerseys, and this is a great option…especially when you consider how much less expensive it is than an actual jersey.

New England Patriots Flex Hat ($26)

patriots hatNaturally, this is a men’s hat. Because every single hat in the Women’s section is mind-bogglingly hideous.

Patriots Tri-Blend V-Neck ($34)patriots shirtI just think this is a cool non-frilly design!

Patriots Nike Pacer Performance Shorts ($40)patriots shortsSubtle, yet awesome! Not to mention comfortable and stretchy for a day of eating wings and watching football.

Patriots AFC Champions Trophy Collection T-Shirt ($32)patriots conference champions shirtLong-sleeved tees are my personal fave, and this one is limited edition and appropriately ccelebratory, sans rhinestones.

Rob Gronkowski Nike Red Game Jersey ($95) gronkowski jersey nfl patriotsJust in case you do want a jersey, why not red? It’s more interesting than navy and an actual Patriots color!

Click through for Seahawks gear! No glitter included.


SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 

It’s actually unfortunate that I’m not a Seahawks fan, considering they have the best jerseys and the coolest colors in the league, bar none. Not to mention I want to wear this amazing Seahawks-inspired makeup! Oh and Russell….swoon.

Seahawks Exclusive Stretch Acrylic Flex Hat ($27)seahawks hatYeah, this is marked “Men’s.” Because they couldn’t possibly just have a gender neutral “Clothing” section.

Seahawks Russell Wilson Super Bowl XLIX Game Jersey ($115) 

russell wilson jersey seahawksExpensive yes, but worth it for the die-hard fan? Probably.

Majestic Seahawks Gray 2014 NFC Champions Hoodie ($50) grey sweatshirt XLIXSomething about this particular set of Roman numerals make me okay with having them printed in gargantuan letters on the front of a sweatshirt.

Seahawks Pro Line Gray Reversible Jacket ($80)jacket seahawksSo normal, so stylish, so versatile.

Men’s Seahawks Knit Boxer Shorts ($18)seahawks boxersI had to dip into the Men’s section again, because the Women’s section has no boxers and I REQUIRE BOXERS FOR LOUNGING DAMMIT.

Super Bowl XLIX Bound Ladies V-Neck T-Shirt ($45)super bowl XLIX seahawksClassy font, not excessively deep V, I’m a big fan.