ShopSmart magazine (little known progeny of Consumer Reports) conducted a telephone survey of 1,008 women aged 18 and older about their underwear (1,008 struck me as odd, too). Apparently frumpy grandma panties can ruin your day, while some lace-y concoction from that boutique that gives you champagne while you shop may actually pay for itself by boosting your confidence and making you happier. I think.

Anyway, findings:

-47% of participants feel “sexier and more confident wearing a nice or special pair of panties.”

-27% say “their mood is affected by wearing an ill-fitting or unattractive pair of undies.”

-56% say they “fold their panties” while “27% just toss them in the drawer.”

-1 in 10 women admit that they will venture out of the house without underwear.

-1/2 say they have general “complaints,” (wedgies win with 30%) followed by pantylines and skimp coverage.

So what are we to glean?

Maybe $180 for a pair of Agent Provocateur knickers is a bargain because they will make you assert yourself (sexily) throughout the day…? Also, women freeball a lot more than I expected. And everybody hates wedgies. Science.