Above is the complex, highly-utilitarian battlewear that one woman bravely donned to throw verbal punches in the face of tyrannical pop culture. Wait, just kidding, that’s actually just model Jessica Hart Wednesday at the 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. But she did actually do some serious critiquing of one Taylor Swift and her performance that evening, so perhaps Hart should be preparing for an onslaught of anger as Swifties freak the F out at her when they read what she said to Women’s Wear Daily.
[Jessica Hart] was asked about Swift. Could she pull it off as a Victoria’s Secret model?
I think, you know what, god bless her heart. I think she’s great. But, I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit. I don’t know if I should say that. I think what you find is that for a lot of us, we’ve been working for 14, 15 years; what it takes to make it here comes from experience and confidence and knowing how to be confident with yourself. I think it comes with age. It’s definitely the benchmark of all jobs.”
For those of you unfamiliar of what “bless her heart” means, it’s the most patronizing, thinly-shrouded way of saying, “Holy fuck, that motherfucker is stupid.” Seriously, if anybody ever says “bless your heart” to you and you’re not 100% certain they genuinely respect you, chances are, they’re giving you the loveliest middle finger with words that they possibly can muster.
(To be fair, the above shot is what was happening on the runway, and it makes very little sense to anybody. I mean, really, who invited Patrick Stump and my seventh grade taste in men, good god.)
But how doesn’t Taylor Swift fit? Seriously, I am genuinely confused at this notion because almost all definitions of the word “fitting” apply here. Swift is tall, thin, conventionally beautiful, knows how to walk in heels extremely well, has a pretty similar stance and camera presence as most models…she just happens to sing more than they do, talks a little too much shit sometimes and probably wears more white. Actually, no — they’re Victoria’s Secret Angels, so even that is something Swift shares with that crowd (you know, the supermodels-Leonardo-DiCaprio-chases crowd).
So, uh, would Jessica Hart prefer Victoria’s Secret go back to the Biebz? Because I feel like if you’re going to criticize any performer they’ve had in recent years, it would be that guy. Regardless, I think this proves there’s a little more going on besides cookie poses and blown kisses and awkward dressing room shots behind-the-scenes.