Gentrification is a fucking bitch! At one time the neighborhood of Williamsburg in Brooklyn was a place where people moved who couldn’t afford the absurd rents of Manhattan, but that’s no longer the case. Williamsburg is on the up-and-up, and has been for quite sometime. And now that Girls has arrived on HBO, both Williamsburg and Greenpoint are probably about to get even more expensive as droves of young women move there with the same dreams that Sex and the City inspired almost a decade ago. Sigh.

Not only is a gigantic Whole Foods set to move into the neighborhood on Bedford Avenue (if they put Bedford Cheese Shop out of business, I’ll be pissed), but right next to it a fancy building at 247 Bedford between North 3rd and North 4th streets, is about to house some relatively upscale clothing stores. One such “up-scale” store that is scheduled to move in once the construction is done is J.Crew. I love J.Crew, but in Williamsburg? Come on!

Our buddies at Brokelyn, which caters to everything Brooklyn, have posted the “leaked” J.Crew employee handbook for all of those lucky devils who happen to have snagged jobs at the store. Since they are in Williamsburg and obviously want to maintain a “hip” outlook, the list includes 3.5 hour lunch breaks, Soviet-era punk reggae playing in the dressing rooms and a required attire that only includes “picklesmocks,” “pork shoulder pads,” and “DIY chenille,” among other very “strict” demands. I don’t eat pork, but I think I could rock a shoulder pad of it as some sort of ode to Lady Gaga, and because wearing meat appears to be so hot right now.

You can read the rest of this “handbook” on Brokelyn. Oh, those Brooklyn kids and their sense of humor!


Photo: Marcio Jose Sanchez/Associated Press