Ashley likes it. Ashley is wrong, wants nuns to go blind, I can’t stop her, trapped in a nightmare world:
Jennifer: Okay. So. She looked like a space hero sponsored by Target. Because of the massive white target across her cleavage. And there were those beads. Those beads like horrible bumps on her back that we’re going to have to pop like tonsil stones.
Ashley: That was thousands of hours of delicate beading. Delicate Givenchy haute couture beading. Why are you always so down on craftsmanship?
Jennifer: I do not care how many Belgian nuns went blind for that beading. Because I ASSUME nuns went blind for all the Oscar outfits. Every one. I’m just sorry they made this outfit after they had already become visually impaired.
Ashley: Is that a Return of the Native reference?
Jennifer: No, it’s a rich people reference.
Ashley: Oh! ZING.
Jennifer: I’m sorry. It’s a “comfortable” people reference.
Ashley: Blind nuns didn’t make it. Japanese cartoon robots did. Extremely feminine, romantic ones did.
Jennifer: It’s too bad they don’t have hearts, eyes, or a sense of how things look on humans.
Ashley: No. They have a higher sense. Also, that shock of neon yellow makes it really awesome. Like engorged veins of robot blood curling around her neck.
Jennifer: Yes. like she’s being strangled by the space monster of bad taste. But why? She looks so wonderful in simple, regal garments. I actually like the cut of the dress. It’s just like they added on all this dumb stuff after the cut.
Ashley: No. It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful and interesting and daring and weird and astoundingly detailed. Japanese cartoon robot.
Jennifer: Why do you like things that are weird?
Ashley: Why do you hate art?
Jennifer: I like art. Art is pictures of horses. Sometimes it is pictures of shipwrecks! I don’t know what that has to do with this.
Ashley: This doesn’t have anything to do with horses. Or quoting Alec Baldwin and trying to pass it off as your own dry wit.
That is a beautiful, challenging dress and it’s absolutely crazy that she wore it on the red carpet. So I’m psyched.
Jennifer: Would you just like anything bizarre? If I showed up to work in a gas mask and a bikini would you be like, “Jennifer, that’s so BRAVE?”
Ashley: No. I’d say it was a challenging look and one not suited to you. Your best features are your eyes. MOREOVER If it were up to you every actress on the red carpet would wear lace-y Elie Saabs and skintight mermaid gowns and neutral sparkling columns and assorted HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT.
Jennifer: ARE YOU JOKING? I HAVE NEVER LIKED A MERMAID GOWN. THEY WOULD WEAR RESPECTABLE STRAPLESS DRESSES LIKE SO MANY GENERIC COLORED WEDDING GOWNS. Mostly neutrals. Some gem tones! With some simple beading
Ashley: EVERYONE IS DEAD IN YOUR NIGHTMARE WORLD
Jennifer: I think this is a good place to stop.