Terrifying word from WWD this morning: the Kardashian family continues to take over the world, one poorly fashioned tchotchke at a time. But, first the full breakdown of their nightmare industry, according to Khloe Kardashian:
“Lamar Odom [Khloé’s husband and forward for the L.A. Lakers] and I have a unisex fragrance, Unbreakable, which is also at Sears and our Dash stores. Kim has three fragrances that are at Sears and our Dash stores. Kourtney is in the process of getting her fragrance. We have our QVC line, which is K-Dash. We have Kardashian Kollection at Sears. We have an Australian handbag collection, which is like our Sears line but sold in Australia. We have ‘Kardashian Konfidential,’ our book, which is being relaunched in November with extra chapters and extra photos. We have a new novel coming out called ‘Dollhouse.’ We have OPI nail polishes called Kardashian Kolors, which will be out in November on Black Friday. I’m working on a second unisex fragrance with Lamar. And we have the TV shows that we all do.”
Don’t forget QuickTrim, Skechers and a multiseason collaboration with Bebe, Kim’s stake in ShoeDazzle, an e-commerce site for shoes, and Khloé and Lamar’s ads for Wonderful Pistachios. There have been jewelry collaborations, Carl’s Jr. ads and one ill-fated credit card deal.
So far, the Sears deal is the deal, which they plan to expand to home, baby and denim.
“Don’t let us forget to tell you about Kardashian Khaos,” said Kourtney, who explains it as the epicenter of Kardashian kitsch — shot glasses, playing cards and beach towels with Kim in a bikini on them, set to open in Las Vegas’ Mirage hotel in November.
So, in addition to all those things you can now enjoy as part of the Kardashian
KBrand, you will also have a Kardashian-themed Spencer’s Gifts in (obviously) Las Vegas. If the mall near you doesn’t have a Spencer’s, then I want you to close your eyes and a imagine a world with towering landfills, pillars of rot stuffed with Kris Jenner-shaped dashboard saints and bumper stickers with slogans like “0 to Bitch in 5 seconds” only in leopard print.
After the world ends, the rivers will be clogged and the skys blotted out… all that will be left is the leering faces of Kardashians forged in polyvinyl chloride and leopard print.