Are you ready to win a Darwin award? Have I got just the underwear for you!

It’s called a “Thunderwear Holster,” and it’s for sale online and probably wherever there are drive-thru liquor stores. Basically, it’s underwear with a built-in pocket for your gun right where your genitals are. Gotta guard the goods, right?

“Imagine the freedom of wearing shorts, jeans, sweats, slacks, workout shorts, even swimming trunks and concealing a full-sized handgun in complete comfort,” the description says. Because the right to bear arms in defense of your property against “ferners” shouldn’t conflict with your right to flaunt your hairy man legs at Walmart.

Now, I’m no Annie Oakley gun totin’ type (try to disguise your expression of shock), but wouldn’t you be just a little bit scared to keep your gun in your crotch, even with the safety on? It just seems like a bad idea to me. Then again, maybe the kinds of dudes who buy Thunderwear are better off without testes, anyway.

Thunderwear! For when you need to make the phallic symbolism of a gun incredibly blatant.