I’ll probably catch some flack for this – as Jennifer recently did when she called out the wrongness of Uggs (I’m team boot)-  but I just have to do it. Ladies of the world, I’m going to ask you a favor and I hope you will indulge me.

This winter, please DO NOT wear high heel rain boots.

This is something I feel very strongly about.

Let’s start at the beginning. Here is a timeline.

2005- I moved from the midwest to New York City in the spring. I landed a job in SoHo and was bombarded on the street by stylish ladies who seem to me to have stepped right out of a magazine or a movie. Because most of them were stepping right out of a magazine photo shoot or a movie set. They were models.

At any rate, I saw people wearing rain boots for the first time in my life! I never had a need for rain boots in the past because where I’m from, you go straight from your house to your car to where ever you’re going (usually the mall or TGIFridays in my case) back to your car again. No need for rain boots as your time walking on the street is short to non-existent.

This was also around the time Mr. and Mrs. Smith came out and Angelina Jolie pranced around pant-less in a pair of red Hunter rain boots. It seemed there was rain boot fever outbreak and I had it bad.

I ran out and bought a pair of red rain boots. Not Hunter, as I still had my midwest thriftiness, but a knock off pair that served me well for the next two years.

How I loved those red rain boots! And all the rain boots that have come after! They gave me the confidence to slosh about the mean streets in search of a better life. I didn’t miss my car! I loved walking! And nothing, not even a little rain or snow was going to stop me!

In the years following the 2005 rain boot frenzy, some abominations happened.

Actually just one abomination.

High. Heel. Rain. Boots.

Along the line, a misinformed designer thought they could turn a profit by making rain boots more appealing to ladies concerned with fashion and function by slapping a heel on rain boots.

Here’s the thing:

HIGH HEEL RAIN BOOTS ARE NEITHER FASHIONABLE NOR FUNCTIONAL!

Slapping a heel on a rain boot is not going to make it more appealing. It is only going to make it stupid. Is this the same designer that did this to flip flops?

He/she should be fired immediately and have their designer licsence removed!

First of all, are high heel rain boots fashionable?

Who is wearing them? I catch more glimpses of these boots in the store than on the street. I don’t think I’m in the minority when I say they are hideous.
If somebody gave them to you as a gift, and you are walking to meet this person for lunch and it is raining, then I understand you wearing them. Any other reason is no good. I would like to meet a woman who leaves the house deliberately planning to go buy high heeled rain boots. Does she also have sparkly thongs “just in case these pants ride low”? Does also she own a pair of pajama jeans “because they’re fun”? Is she team Ugg?

Yes, she is definetly team Ugg.

Come forward and show yourself! I deserve some answers!

Second, are high heel rain boots functional?

Rain makes the world slippery. Heels make it easier to trip even on a dry surface. Rain boots are made of slick material. Also, normal rain boots rock because they allow you to run in the rain in case you forgot your umbrella at the TGIFridays in Times Square (you can take the girl out of the midwest….). Putting all these things together leads me to this equation:

Heels + Rain + Rain Boot material + Running= TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE FALLS!

Which is really my main concern. Safety. I just want to ensure everyone has a safe winter season. Safety above all things.

That and my own personal health. Seeing a pair of high heeled rain boots makes me want to gouge my eyes out. And I need my eyes. I just…need them.

So please, ladies of the world hear my cry! This winter, let’s show that designer what we really think about high heel rain boots and not buy a single pair. Come summer, I’ll gather the troops again to get rid of high heeled flip flops.

Until then, be well and stay dry.