Look, this Tim Gunn Fifth and Pacific ad is upsetting me for a lot of reasons, all of which I’m going to cover with you, here. But let’s watch it first! Together:


And you might think “Jennifer, this is merely Tim Gunn advertising a collection of shops.” NO IT IS NOT IT IS VERY UPSETTING.

Here’s why:

1) Sometimes I lose complete track of where I am going in New York. I have a very limited directional sense to begin with, so much so that one of the things I love about New York is that all the streets and avenues are numbered. So, for instance, if I am currently on 5th avenue and 26th street, and I need to get to 6th avenue and 30th, I have pretty good odds. Totally random odds, like if you tell me “go northwest” that does not make sense to me. I don’t even know if that’s correct directionally. West is… left… but not always my left, right now? Fuck. I don’t know. The point is, if I go a street in the wrong direction, it is fine, because the numbers will go the wrong way, and I can correct myself. This is true, until you go below 14th street, at which point the streets do begin having names like “Henry.” Or “Bob.” I don’t often go below 14th street. This “being lost and unable to get accurate help from strangers” thing is hitting too close to home for me.

2) I am always trying to give strangers advice on how to get places, and often I end up saying things like “you’re trying to get to Harlem! Take the A train, I think!” only to realize, five minutes afterwards, after they are out of sight, that they were actually only trying to go two blocks away. And I sent them to Harlem. I hope no one ever listens to me.

3) I mean, I’ve lived here, what, four years now? Five. Five years. I should know which streets are in Harlem.

4) There is no $30 cab ride. A cab ride anyplace in Manhattan costs $10, unless you are doing it at midnight on a rainy Saturday night in February, when every single street is blocked, in which case it costs $20. That cabbie is ripping Tim Gunn off.

4) I think Tim Gunn could have been more specific. I think he just confused everyone and now everyone feels bad about themselves. I won’t say “fuck you, Tim Gunn” but seriously. Clarity. Make it work.