Chin up, broke college students! You still can’t afford to do your laundry, and you’re still probably going to that Campus Crusade meeting tonight in the hopes that you’ll be able to steal some free pizza and Cheetos, but now you can tell everyone that your stained and ripped accessories are very Chanel.

Because Chanel has apparently run out of ideas, their Spring 2014 line features a $3,400 bricolage backpack that’s meant to look old, beaten, doodled-on, and ugly. The bag (which has embroidery floss tassels and faux chalk dust, because JFC) appears in this month’s Vogue, along with this totally out-of-touch caption:

Picture a young art student spray-painting the black canvas of a classic backpack and then personalizing it with loops of haphazardly woven ropes and heavy chains– just the kind of punk appropriation Karl Lagerfeld employed.

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense to spend almost four grand imagining that your bag was decorated by an art student, because it’d be out of the question to just decorate an old backpack yourself. Or, if you’d rather have your personalizing done by someone else, go spend three minutes looking for this exact style of bag at Goodwill. Or find one on Etsy. Or borrow one from your off-beat little cousin. This is ridiculous.

I don’t know what I expected from Chanel this year, since they already got off to a weird start with Kristen Stewart‘s I’m-covering-up-a-period-stain-with-this-sweatshirt look, but if you could go back in time and tell my ninth grade self that her whole wardrobe is about to become couture, I’d really appreciate it. I could probably make bank selling my magenta JanSport bookbag. It had a Harry and the Potters pin on it, and I used white-out to inscribe “champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends” on the front pocket. The bidding will begin at $7,500.

Via The Fashion Spot