In case you guys haven’t set foot inside an Urban Outfitters in a while because you have dignity, you might not have realized that things have really jumped the shark over there. While for a year or so post college I still occasionally bought some items from Urban, I quickly felt like I had aged out of their demographic and stopped spending any of my money there. Well, it looks like things have really gone off the deep end–even Urban Outfitters is admitting that they’ve lost their sense of fashion completely, or as CEO Richard Hayne put it, “there is still much work to be done for Urban to regain its fashion footing.” Yes. That’s one way of putting it.
Here’s 10 items available for sale at Urban Outfitters that prove they’ve just become a parody of themselves, and shows just how far they’ve fallen.
1. The Mountain X UO DIY Rachael Back Tee, $219
Take Dwight Schrute’s favorite majestic wolf shirt, slice up the back so you look like a pre-teen trying to sneak into a rave, and slap of $200+ price tag on the whole thing. A steal!
2. Blue Life Bare It Tie-Dye Jumpsuit, $185
If you need help rationalizing that price tag, you should remember that this is both pants and a shirt, and as a bonus, is the origin of the phrase “laughing stock.”
3. Elwood Supernova Tapered Jogger Pant, $54
It’s like galaxy nails, but on a man’s lower regions. Fantastic idea. Cute shoes.
4. Mahina Mermaid MerFin Mermaid Flipper, $100
Before going on any snorkeling trip, I like to stop by my local Urban Outfitters to see if they have any aquatic accessories I might require. And what do you know! They just started carrying this “MerFin,” which will add a touch of whimsy to my underwater adventures.
5. Workaholics Bear Coat, $200
Described as a “must-have for any ‘Workaholics’ fan,” this monstrosity doesn’t even come with buttons. You can’t even close the damn thing.
6. Profound Aesthetic Baseball Button-Down Shirt, $78
7. Rather Play Records Tee, $28
Oh, I get it. Because hipsters like to listen to records and are bad at sports or achievement, right? No wonder the model didn’t show his face.
8. Selk’bag Original Sleeping Bag, $159
What a happy couple! They probably wear these while listening to their records.
9. Step In Time By Lip Service Sheer Lace Maxi Dress, $98
10. UNIF Symbols Chiffon Kimono Jacket, $149
As someone who can never find the right kimono, I was relieved to see that UO has it’s own section solely dedicated to kimono-minded shoppers. This fringed number seems to be worth $149, right?