I was never a unicorn person growing up. I thought horses themselves were crazy-awesome (they’re huge and let you ride them and accept carrots from your hand!), so unicorns just seemed like a sort of unnecessarily fantastical version of an already great animal that needed no enhancing. Still, unicorns have managed to pervade our childhood stories, video games, trend waves and occasionally high fashion. While I could deal with some of the more mild forms of unicornism, my brain is seriously not okay with the existence of these unicorn shoes.

If you’re looking to make that silly calf, ankle and foot you’ve been dragging around look like you watch/read a lot of Game of Thrones, these transformative unicorn and demon hoof shoes are definitely calling to you. Sure, this unique pair of boots — from Etsy, naturally — will set you back some $440 to $900, but isn’t that a small price to pay for the lack of comfort and practicality these shoes possess? Of course, I’m pretty sure that both of those factors are actually part of the point when one wears such shoes, but I am nevertheless somewhat astounded that somebody would be able to walk in them at all.

To be fair, certain fetish shoes have always made me uncomfortable. Remember those front-heeled shoes last year? Worst. Thing. Ever. Also, I think heelless shoes are the silliest-looking trend from the past couple years, so these unicorn shoes simply don’t have anything I could possibly want in a shoe besides…well, besides protecting my feet from the street and elements, I suppose. And keeping the randos away! Actually, on second thought, I’m 99% positive this would do the exact opposite, and if I were to wear these in public, gaggles of middle schoolers and several unicorn fetishists would attempt to pet them. I think I shall stick with my boring lace-ups and simply e-admire these strange (yet pretty amazing) shoes from afar. In all seriousness, this lady’s shop is full of fascinating stuff, so if you are interested at all in cosplay or fetish items (or are just bored), you should absolutely take a look.

P.S. The “neigh” in this title was intentional. I swear, I understand homonyms. I just don’t understand good puns.


[via io9]

Photos: Etsy