heelsJamie better learn how to wear heels immediately if she wants to be regarded as “attractive,” because obviously one can only be so, if they’re rocking fuck-me pumps at all times. Did you not know this fact? Good thing I’m here to clear up any confusion.

Researchers at the University of Portsmouth say heels change the way the entire body moves, including the pelvis, hips, legs, knees, feet and even the shoulders, to emphasise femininity. Women wearing heels are rated as more attractive than when wearing flat shoes, even when those making the judgement are unable to see faces or bodies.

But before you start shaking your fist and thinking that it was just men who thought this to be true, the female subjects involved in the study also felt the same way.

Both genders watched 30-second clips of a video of “walkers in high heels and flat shoes moving towards them.” All the heel-wearing women were regarded as more attractive than the flat-wearing crew, with the women watching the videos rating the heel-wearers even more good-looking than the men did. When in the second experiment the participants were asked to guess the appropriate gender of those wearing flats, the flat-wearers were “twice as likely to be viewed as a man.” You guys, if you don’t wear heels, you look like a man. See how this is all coming together?

The reason for this, like many things, is steeped in evolution. Heels emphasize “sex-specific aspects of the female form,” and this, naturally, is a major component in the mate selection process. Without heels, the human race might die out! Or not. Without heels on, you’ll be mistaken for being a man! OK, maybe that’s not entirely true either.

I don’t know about you, but sounds to me like evolution is sexist. Or maybe I’m just pissy because I wobble in my new 4-inch heels. (I should have known three inches was my max.)


Photo: Saks Fifth Avenue