The 85th Annual Oscars at Hollywood & Highland Center - Red Carpet Arrivals

Jen’s wedding colors will be turquoise, being a good sport, and “Lean In,” Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s new book.

Guests who are unable to demonstrate their ability to “have it all” will be turned away at the door.

Each member of the bridal party will be given a rescue dog; if they already have a rescue dog, their rescue dog will be given a seeing-eye dog.

A completely random assortment of kind-eyed women around the world will become spontaneously pregnant after Jen says “I do.”

Chelsea Handler will become completely self-actualized over the course of the ceremony.

Mandy Patinkin will wander onto the proceedings during his daily beachcombing, then lead the guests in a rousing version of Hava Nagila. “Can you believe this?” Courteney Cox will laugh happily over the roars of the crowd to Jen. “This is really happening!”

Jennifer will share the real secret to getting toned arms to one of the flower girls, who will be forbidden from ever speaking again.

“How do you think she really is, though,” one of the guests at the nearby resort will ask, shading her eyes against the sun as she peers past the grove of trees blocking her view. “I mean, really. Because of – you know. Because of Brad.”

Justin Theroux will change sunglasses 14 times during the ceremony – before changing into his honeymoon sunglasses.

[Image via Wenn]