Is there a single shopping experience that’s more fraught than swimsuit shopping? Even that adorable gif from Little Miss Sunshine gets my heart pounding because I so relate to that little girl. Let’s take a step-by-step look at the typical swimsuit shopping experience, and see if we can’t make this a little easier on ourselves.
1. Psyching yourself up.
Spend all of the spring preparing yourself for this moment. Do exercises or what have you to get a “bathing suit body,” or don’t, because literally any body in the world is a bathing suit body.
2. Calming yourself down.
Get yourself to the store. Take a deep breath. This isn’t going to be that bad! It’s just a piece of clothing. It doesn’t own you.
3. Start to feel some cautious excitement.
This could be really great!
4. Experience the euphoria of grabbing tons and tons of choices.
It’s a numbers game. Be strategic.
5. Euphoria gives way to trepidation as you approach the fitting room.
Look, I’m sure you look great, but I understand everything that’s wrapped up in trying on swimsuits.
6. Experience abject terror.
Okay, let’s stop right there. I promise, it’s not you. Do you know what kind of lighting dressing rooms have? Do you know how much sizes and cuts vary from brand to brand, suit to suit? Try on another one. It’s not you.
7. What’s wrong with me?
What did we just talk about? There is literally nothing wrong with you. Try on a few more, and if they don’t work, head home and shop online. You’ll find one.
Okay, not bad. Hang out in it for a second.
9. Invigorated contentment
Okay, look at you go!
10. I like this, and I’ve decided to not give a flying fuck about “bathing suit bodies.”