The same woman who made the “how to dress punk” video (the key was “wear a black tank-top” and “don’t be normal”) has an equally enlightening video on how to look “wealthy.” “Finally!” I thought “clues on getting that sexy Hapsburg lip!” Boy, was I disappointed.


What I picked up from this was:

1) WEALTHY PEOPLE NEVER STOP SMILING. That is because they are immortal and everyone else is going to be dead by 3:00 this afternoon. Sorry, I’m kind of obsessed with this.

2) Wealthy people love faux fur collars, they all live in 1952 and are mistresses.

3) “Black and camel – they look rich. They show wealth.” That is commonly known. Additionally, orange shows that you make $68,000 a year. Teal says “hi, I’m a public schoolteacher, I’m all about giving back! Please don’t ask about my salary!” Green says “Oscar the Grouch was my favorite Muppet, so I live in a garbage can. But I have $27,000 in a retirement fund!”

4) “Spend a little bit more on your garments, and you will look wealthy.” So to trick people into thinking I am wealthy I should… have a larger disposable income? Does this woman understand that’s not actually trickery, then?

5) “We don’t know if her diamond studs are real or fake, do we!?” GIGGLE! Well, actually, fun weird fact, we will if we ever go someplace humid. CZs steam up and look foggy, real diamonds disperse heat quickly and remain clear. That is why I am constantly dragging people into steam rooms and screaming “fraud!” “Fraud!” No, but I would with this lady, that seems fun. I’d giggle afterwards.

6) Why is that wealthy woman wearing a knock-off Louis Vuitton bag? Is she economizing?