I feel like the first response is obviously to say “I’m going to go looking hot.” Because there will be so many beautifully painted harlots there! But look. There are so many beautifully painted harlots there. You cannot compete. You will not be naked, spray tanned, covered in body glitter. You will be wearing the one dress you have that is sort of clingy which, let’s be honest, means that in the context of this situation, you will still look like a school marm.

I think Holly Golightly really had the right idea with the whole cardigan thing. Because if you’re going to go to a strip club, looking like a lady is the only way to stand out. A lady who look like Audrey Hepburn. But you want something a little edgy, too. Something that says “librarian – but with possibilities.” It seems imitative to copy Audrey’s sunglasses.

Oh, on an interesting, over-sharing note, there’s a possibility that I’m going to see my first strip club tonight. In an effort to do the above, I’m planning on wearing a cardigan on top, then strapping meat products to my lower half, a la Lady Gaga. Plan? I DO NOT KNOW, OFFER ME ADVICE, FACELESS STRANGERS.