Earlier today, Lilit listed some important beauty lessons to be gleaned from “Jersey Shore.” They ran the gamut from prepping your face with Vaseline before engaging in a beatdown, to the correct time of day to tan.
And these lessons are, of course, valid, and we should all take them to heart. But it is possible that if you or a friend goes too far with the Jersey-style beauty, you might risk looking absurd (I know, it seems like a stretch, but these things do happen…)
Which is why I’m offering a few helpful suggestions regarding when to take your friend aside (you’re classy — you learned how to be from “Jersey Shore”) and let her know that she has gone one proverbial shade too dark.
- She has literally gone one shade too dark. Some people tan. Others attempt to trick you into thinking they are of a different ethnicity. When your friend is orange, or begins to look like Magda from “There’s Something About Mary,” it’s time to speak up.
- She’s wearing more than one statement piece involving leopard. This faux pas could actually happen to anyone this season, “Jersey Shore” fan or otherwise. Leopard is supposed to be an accent — in other words, the old adage applies: before walking out the door, stop and remove one piece of leopard print (unless you’re only wearing one piece…in that case, leave it on).
- The size of her hairpiece is equal to or greater than the size of her head. This is just simple mathematics.
- When the wind blows, the vag shows. Honestly, I feel like we’ve done everything we can to rid the world of this travesty, but it just keeps happening. Once and for all: some things are shirts, like it or not. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to make them dresses; whether you belt them, pair them with platform espadrilles, or put on an admittedly excellent pair of earrings. Not everything is a dress, and if your friend has made this all-too-common mistake, it’s your duty to let her know.
Also, please be advised that although it was obviously the right thing for Snooki and JWOWW to do, you should not let your friend know the truth (about anything) via a note.