First of all, there are zero spoilers regarding Breaking Bad‘s last season in this post. I’m not a complete asshole, I promise. I definitely watched the series finale, though, so if you wanna discuss that stuff, hit a girl up by email!
Second, you know you wanna dress up as one of these characters. You know it. So here’s how to do it! Some of these costumes are DIY, some are store bought, all are awesome.
First Season Walt
1. Put on a loose light green shirt, like this one:
2. Get brave. Strip down to your underwear.
3. And by “your underwear” I mean these godawful things you would normally never wear:
4. Except you’ll still look hot and you won’t GAF.
Jesse & Walt Cooking
3. If you’re Walt, be sure to talk down to whomever is playing Jesse. If you’re Jesse, be sure to eff things up constantly.
Walt as Heisenberg
1. Watch several Kanye West videos to pump up your ego.
2. No, really, you should be feeling like you could beat God’s ass at volleyball.
3. If you have facial hair to shave, shave it into a goatee. If not, wear a fake one.
4. Put on a skin cap to cover up your hair.
5. Wear fake glasses (or real ones, if you got ’em).
6. Put on a black windbreaker.
7. Wear dark black sunglasses.
8. And, of course, the hat.
1. Accept that everyone at the parties you attend will ask why you’re such a bitch even though your husband is a meth manufacturing sociopathic serial killer.
2. Put on a pretty coral robe (seriously, what better excuse to wear something incredibly comfortable for Halloween than the whole “I just had a baby and my husband is cray” thing?):
3. Wrap a pale green sash around your waist.
4. Blow out your hair away from your face.
5. Apply just simple eyeliner, mascara, peach blush and coral lipstick.
6. Constantly be smoking a cigarette at inappropriate times.
1. Be smarter than everyone else and damn tired that nobody recognizes that.
2. Wear the same wig cap from earlier.
3. Put on this simple black jacket:
4. Have a heart of gold, sort of.
5. …except be terrifying.
1. When in doubt, wear purple, like this plum dress:
2. Wear your hair down and parted slightly to the side.
3. Put on some pretty purple earrings:
4. Bring a crown for whomever is hosting the party you’re at that you mysteriously found at a “vintage store.”
5. Steal stuff. (No, not really, your friends will hate you and it’s weird.)
Now for some villains!
The villains on Breaking Bad were incredible, so I’m sure plenty of people will wind up being them for Halloween.
1. Be terrifyingly calm.
2. Wear a yellow shirt like this:
3. And a tie like this:
4. Snag some silver glasses like the ones earlier.
5. Smile. Smile so much and so pleasantly that everyone around you can tell you are a total psychopath, yet cannot help but want to hug you.
Gus Fring (at the end of Season 4)
1. Wear a blue plaid blazer.
2. Adjust your tie frequently.
3. Put a bell somewhere in the room and whenever somebody happens to ring it, scream and dive away from them.
4. Apply gory makeup all over one side of your face. This tutorial from Bonnie Corban is epic:
1. Find a cream and brown silk shirt.
2. Apply fake blood to your knuckles.
3. Do crazy eyes at everyone you see.
1. Black pencil skirt:
2. Black blazer:
3. Large sunglasses:
4. Wear Louboutins (or fake Louboutins, if you aren’t a crazy rich person willing to spend crazy $$ on a costume, i.e. most of humanity):
5. Part your hair down the middle and use a smoothing serum.
6. Carry around tea and Stevia packets.
7. Talk too quickly for anyone to know what you’re saying. To be fair, nobody wants to, so that is probably okay.
1. Get a brown thermal like this:
2. And a brown jacket:
3. Study Matt Damon movies; you need to look entirely too much like his angry ginger cousin.
4. Smile like Gus, except worse, because you have no f’ing rules. Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you?
5. Like really, dude.
As much as I think the Nazis were perfect villains, I have a feeling dressing up as a neo-Nazi of any kind if probably not a great idea. Just sayin’.
And what about simple, easy, non-specific Breaking Bad costumes?
Los Pollos Hermanos
Try this one from Red Bubble.
This one from Cafe Press is a v-neck, if that’s your jam.
There’s one at JC Penney with everyone’s favorite anti-hero on it!
Mysterious yet perfect, via Etsy seller Basement Shirts.
Jesse Pinkman wants you to calm down
Everyone’s favorite expletive, via My Tee Spot.
Meth Jell-O Shots
Don’t make meth (obviously). Make shots of wiggly blue gelatin filled with booze via this recipe from My Jell-O Americans!