Every red carpet has its trademark. For nip slips and tacky entrances, you want the Grammys. VMAs have the best gossip, and the Oscars always have the blingy-est jewelry. At the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, we get to watch celebrities choose between being photographed in a parka and wellies or freezing their perfectly toned asses off.
It’s Utah, people. In January. No shame in putting in some pants.
If I can see your belly button, you are cold. Maggie Gyllanhaal gets points for winter chic leather leggings, but what is up with the nude fishing net? Matching your knitwear to your skintone is never a good look. Neither is that much exposed skin post-Polar Vortex.
Indie actress Lorelei Linklater can totally pull off fuchsia lipstick. Not so much the ripped tights on the red carpet. There is a time and a place for babydoll dresses, and it is not in January. You can bet that Courtney Love would have accessorized this ensemble with a badass (warm) faux fur coat.
Am I jealous that Elle Fanning has a better closet than my wildest fantasy dream home AND is a muse to Marc Jacobs? Yes. Props for pulling off a feathered peplum at fifteen years old, but the Jewish grandmother inside my heart still wants to give her a sweater. At least swap the tank top for something with sleeves. Wouldn’t want that perfect complexion to get goosebumps.
Just because Emma Watson can pull off a dress with leggings does not mean this is a good idea for actress Lynn Hill this time of year. The grecian neckline and bodice belong on a California red carpet, not in the mountains. And strappy sandals in Utah? No. Just, no. The only redeeming quality of this look is her flawless bare face. A flannel and jeans would have been a better outfit choice.
Elaine Benes wants her dress back. If you’re going to wear a mini dress in January, it better rival Beyonce‘s in fabulousness. Keyholes are always tricky, and this unflattering 90s floral is just not worth the chilly arms and freezing cleavage. Still love you, Peggy Elizabeth Moss.
If Christopher Meloni isn’t cold because he’s clad in silky polyester, he should be freezing under the arctic chill of his own embarrassment. This awful, awful, shirt has singlehandedly made me question my longstanding crush on Detective Stabler. May I suggest you swap the lady’s shirt and frat beanie for, I don’t know, one normal jacket? Poor choices.
We love Chloe Grace Moretz, and she always nails dressing appropriately for a young celeb. But the sensible boots and turtleneck look a bit strange with bare winter legs. No one’s bare legs look good in January. Take a page from Kate Middleton and slip on some black tights.
Both oddly formal for Sundance AND seasonally inappropriate. Kristen Renton‘s sparkly cutout dress and total lack of accessories are more yacht party than wintry indie film festival. I don’t even have thoughts on saving this one. The topknot and cateye would look so much better with a nice blazer and high waisted pants. I can’t even with the peep toe heels and black pedi in January. Looks like frostbite to me.
Love the dress, Anna Kendrick, but again: your mother wants you to wear a sweater. A little cardi could give this outfit a nice pop of color and save her from doing this awkward “I’m so cold my arms have literally fused together like two popsicles” pose. Points for sensible boots.
You would think Tessa Thompson is off to the Teen Choice Awards in this sparkly tee, but no. If you’re going to bare your arms in freezing Utah, it should be for something better than a badly cut sequin top. I can just feel the mountain wind coming through those giant armholes.
And to prove it’s possible to look chic at a frigid mountain premier, let’s take a moment to admire Shailene Woodley.
Studded creepers, skinny black pants, tousled pixie, and a red lip. This look is perfection (even if my inner grandma has to pretend she is carrying socks in her pocket).
All photos via Getty Images.