TOWIE Bobby NorrisWearing a sock on your penis would be better than this. If you have recently eaten food, or value not having this ridiculous WTF image seared into your memory for ever more, look away now. If you’re too curious to see what it would look like if someone covered a catheter with red fabric then stuck it up their butt, head over to Cosmopolitan to check out the images–but don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

There are almost no words to describe this. It is not a swimsuit. I would have been less surprised if you told me this dude didn’t really understand the concept of his new Beats by Dre headphones, so he stuck them on his crotch.

The guy wearing this waterproof penis holder is reality star (surprise surprise)  Bobby Norris, from The Only Way Is Essex, or TOWIE is what the cool kids say. If you knew the show and saw this, you probably wouldn’t be surprised. Basically it’s the British version of Jersey Shore with a pinch of one of the more outrageous Real Housewives thrown in. Quality program at its best, in other words.

I will say that I commend Bobby for wearing this out on the public beaches of Marbella with such confidence. Look at his expression in the photos. Clearly he takes his penis encasings very seriously. Either that or he’s making that face because he has wig tape pulling on spots he has never before felt pain. He probably used more rolls than Kendall Jenner for her pelvic bone exposing dress.

Take a look at the back view, and  you can start to see the need for a lot of extra body tape. Just imagine the chaffing for a second, and you’ll probably experience burning in your nether regions at the mere thought. Shudders. And can we just think of the tan lines for a second?

And if you thought that this dick sling (I’m still trying to figure out the most accurate name) was a one-of-a-kind creation, you’re in luck because it also comes in different colors. Yes, there is a white one. If you thought this asymmetric penis hammock couldn’t get any worse, it just did.

(Photo: Getty Images)