Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

This isn’t a new sentiment by any means, but New Year’s Eve is kind of the worst. The forced social situations, the feeling-left-out-because-you-weren’t-invited-to-the-forced-social-situations, the frozen sauerkraut balls… I’m pretty much over it. Here are the top five reasons why NYE can S my D.

1. There’s so much pressure to have fun. Real life has nothing to do with that New Year’s scene in When Harry Met Sally. Name one person who actually goes to a glamorous party with a live band– one person who’s not a model or Lindsay Lohan. The IRL version of NYE looks a lot more like a lonely Bridget Jones in vodka-stained pajamas.

2. The dates are always awkward. If you’re not losering it up by yourself, you’re going to get stuck on an annoying date with an annoying person who reminds you that you too are annoying enough that you deserve annoying dates.

3. Everyone pretends like it’s not December. If you live somewhere that gets cold this time of year, you’re probably sick of seeing all the mannequins at Forever 21 in teeny tiny strapless numbers. Give me something with sleeves! Give me snow pants!

4. You start the year with a hangover and regret. Who decided that we should spend the first day of our “fresh start” pulling our heads out of the toilet just long enough to accept our Jimmy John’s delivery? It’s like a bad omen for things to come in the next 365 days.

5. You’ll forget your resolutions and then feel guilty about it. If you start now, you can still healthily lose .3 out of the 30 pounds you vowed to drop at this time last year!

Whatever you find yourself doing to ring in 2014, remember that the rest of the year is generally warmer, usually less stressful, and significantly less glittery. Oh well. At least New Year’s Eve is a decent excuse to eat mozzarella sticks.