And the race for this week’s Asshole of the Week award is on! Two women were recently arrested in Modesto, California for scamming strangers into donating money for the funeral of an infant who didn’t actually exist. Oh dear. According to The New York Daily News, Tiffany Lyon and Chastity Doll (whose parents clearly had high aspirations for her) solicited cash at a busy intersection using a handmade sign depicting a happy, ostensibly now deceased baby named “Justin Michael Farrell” alongside the words “Funeral Donations.”
Because the sight of two dejected-looking young women holding a shitty dead baby sign by the side of the road makes most decent people want to cry, local motorists opened their hearts and gave. Oh, how they gave. The dastardly duo collected some $700 before they were stopped and questioned by police. After a few tough questions about where the baby in question had died and which doctor had been caring for him, their story fell apart and it was revealed that there was no dead baby named Justin Michael Farrow in Modesto. Foiled again!
I’m kind of impressed the police had the balls to question them, because how horrible would they feel right now if the girls had turned out to be telling the truth? So horrible. I probably wouldn’t have asked at all, just to be on the safe side. (This is probably why I’m not a cop.) Anyway, the two are facing charges of fraud and conspiracy, and their ill-gotten gains have been confiscated and will be donated to their least favorite charity, Mothers Against Lying Young About Dead Babies.
Seriously though, I hope Chastity was at least planning to use the money to touch up those roots. (I am allowed to make fun of her style, because she is not a nice person.) One million frownie points upon them.