Desperate Housewives ‘Bargaining’
Air Date: May 21, 2009

OK, so tonight’s the night that Gale Harold/Jackson makes his triumphant return to Wisteria Lane. We know from the previews on last week’s episode that he’s going to propose, and I’m guessing it’ll be a no from Susan? Or not, who knows. Anyway, Neighbor Peggy has bailed aGAIN for DH Night, so I’m with Friend Erin (who, oddly enough, has gotten super interested in the show) and Friend From High School Jen! She’s NEVER SEEN AN EPISODE OF DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (I know, right?), but she’s staying with me for a few days, so she has no choice this week.

Ready? Let’s go! (That reminds me of a cheer I did in high school once. Moving on…)

9:00: The “previously on” is ALL ABOUT SUSAN. And I’m OK with it. Here’s why: I love the Karl drama. And this is also the Great Return of Gale Harold. Both of those are two things that’ll make me watch a Susan-centric episode with the glee of a WoW player at a gaming convention.
9:02: Aight, I’m just going to say this: I don’t like MJ. I don’t like his acting, I don’t like his Children-of-the-Corn demeanor, and I don’t lilke his little front-flip cowlick. That is all.
9:04: Yes! Bree’s only reeeaaally Bree when she’s maneating. And man oh man, is she maneating with this divorce. I’ve MISSED this!
9:07: Uh oh, I smell an eating disorder as Juanita’s looking longingly at a cover of mom…or, you know, a terrible use of mom’s makeup. Whatever, I was close. (Or not at all?)
9:11: “Jackson, Hey. You’re back.” That’s………it? Well, she DID look really excited/happy to have dinner with him. I have a feeling she’s not as aprehensive about him returning as I first thought?
9:14: Aw, Tom’s like the overworked and underappreciated housewife, and then he OPENS HIS SHIRT and whoooa, ABS! Where have you been keeping those, Tommy?
9:15: They have some quick office sex. “That was fast,” –Erin.
9:16: Karl’s handling Bree’s divorce. It’s like the writers are giving me everything I could ever want in life. Do they know that I thrive on trashy desperateness? Gimme more! (Sorry…been listenin’ to Britney a little bit too much lately!)

9:22: Gaby without makeup! Gaby without makeup! “I will make the ultimate sacrifice and I will be ugly for my daughter.” — Gaby. Aw, she’s such a good loving wonderful kinda-selfish mother.
9:24: Katherine’s starting to get disgusting with this marriage stuff. It’s almost pitiful/sad to watch?
9:25: Jackson! Susan! Eating! Talkling “I have something to ask you and I don’t know how you’re going to react.” Proposal, proposal, proposal!?
9:26: “I want you to marry me.” Is it a coincidence that both Mike AND Susan got all choked up about marriage talk? Choked up in different ways, of course, but super surprised nonetheless.
9:28: Oh. My. God. Jackson needs to marry Susan for a visa. He’s not into her? What? This is. Whoa. I can’t even type. I can’t even. AHHH. What? After that Academy Award-winning from Susan crying and pouring her entire crazy little heart out?? That was NOT what I was expecting. Bet that’s the last we’ll see of Gale….
9:33: Tom is SUCH the stereotypical housewife. I’m lovin’ the reverse gender-roles here.
9:34: The club fire case! I almost forgot about that! Maybe we’ll get to see more of the Baby Matt Damons? Oh, that’s right. Speaking of, we haven’t seen Lynette and Tom’s kids for a looooong time.
9:36: “He hit me with a dead squirrel.” OK, how can I hate MJ and LOVE HIM ALL AT ONCE?
9:39: Erin’s wondering how Susan’s managed to make Jackson’s jerkery HER fault and why she’s essentially apologizing to him??
9:40: Waaaait a second. Susan’s going to do it? We’ve seen this before. Susan needed health insurance? Re-marrying Karl momentarily for said-health insurance? Weird.
9:41: Commercial break! Now’s time for us to search for whatever is making that burning smell…
9:45: Commercial’s over and we can’t find the cause of the smell, but we located the source. It’s coming from the CD player. No idea what it is, though. Oh well. I don’t have time to stop fires. More desperation, please!
9:46: Gaby without makeup? … how I want to look WITH makeup.
9:46: Katherine’s having the serious “sh** or get off the pot” conversation with Mike. Why do I feel like she’s going to propose in some weird twist?
9:49: Aw, Lynette’s hopping herself up on caffeine to make peace with Tom.
9:50: “You’re going to think it’s stupid.” — Tom. He’s such a woman! And I looooooooove it!!
9:51: I feel like we’ve seen this scene, too. In the first season, when Lynette goes back to work and Tom stays home? And then they both went back, and then she stayed at home. How many times has this happened?
9:53: “You can wear makeup the day you realize you don’t really need it.” — Gaby. Whooaaa, Cheesy McCheeserton!
9:59: What? Is Orson going to poison her at breakfast if she sleeps with him? I don’t like that one bit…