Does Halloween have you feeling like your house just isn’t haunted enough? As with most things in this modern age, you can fix that right quick by whipping out your credit card and going on the Internet. A quick search of the term “haunted doll” on Ebay brings up several hundred results, each claiming to be more haunted than the last. Let’s take a look!

First we have this lil’ fella, who is being offered up by a top-rated seller called “AJ’s Haunted Dolls”:

Apparently, “Ronnie” was a super fun guy until he dropped dead of a heart attack, at which point he ironically decided to inhabit the physical likeness of the very man who killed him, Ronald McDonald. His attributes are listed thusly:

“RONNIE”
HAS TALKED THROUGH THE GHOST BOX
CAUSED MANY ELECTRICAL DISTURBANCES
CHANGED THE TEMPERATURE
HAS MOVED MY KEYS TO DIFFERENT SPOTS
HAS DRAINED MY BATTERIES SEVERAL TIMES
HIS BIG FOOTSTEPS HAVE BEEN HEARD
WALKING DOWN THE HALL
HE HAS MOVED HIS HOST DOLL A FEW TIMES
WE HAVE HEARD HIM BLOW HIS WHISTLE A FEW TIMES
FROM ANOTHER ROOM

Sounds like ghostly good times! But what if you desire your haunting with a side of feminine grace? Look no further than this little beauty named “Alice”:

And I quote:

This amazing doll has been tested GRADE A by the American Paranormal Research Society # 98847. They recorded hearing her speak, and hum. She has been recorded on over 25 EVPs in a 2 week period. She has high EMF readings 27.2.  She is here on this plane because she wants a home. She does sing allot in a language that is unknown to me but it is very pretty and sweet as can be.

We have encountered 3 orbs that visit her we believe the orbs are the other childen that died in the lake. The EVPs have told us her name, alice and she is 12 years old. She needs a loving home and loves other dolls and children, She WILL SING SOFTLY TO THEM AND SHE HAS AN AMAZING CALMING EFFECT.

Nothing like a haunted doll to calm your children down! Just explain to them what it is, toss it into their room, turn the lights off, shut the door, and it’s relaxation for all.

These are just two of the many, many spirit-infested dolls available for sale on that most spiritually vibrant site of e-commerce. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go feed a few Raisinettes to the banshee who lives in my toaster, lest she begin to feel left out and ruin breakfast tomorrow. Happy Halloween!

(Tip via Cracked)