This week in Friday Comments Roundup: Stay-at-home girlfriends and unfortunate terminology:
MelbaToast: I was at the pool this morning and kept gagging from the cologne on the guy in the lane next to me. IN THE POOL. If people can smell your cologne when you’ve been swimming for the last 30 minutes in a giant chlorine-saturated body of water, IT’S TOO STRONG. (How To Politely Tell Someone They’re Wearing Too Much Perfume)
porkchop: I’m surprised at the…efficiency of this “regiment rouge”. I too enjoy stuffing my face with crepes and scowling at joggers, but doing both at once in facility designed for that purpose seems vulgar. Hopelessly American. (How Weird Are The Gyms In Paris?)
Lo: I’m going to imagine it to be the feminine equivalent of the bachelor pad. “Hey, wanna come up to my vag pad and see my collection of vulva layerings?” … No, it still doesn’t work. (Vag Pad: The Worst Phrase of the Day)
Jamie: On the one hand, I’m mad at you for responding to this at all, thereby generating traffic to that article and feeding the trolls. On the other hand, that link you put at the end is priceless. I could never stay mad at you for long! (Being A Stay-At-Home Girlfriend Will Kill Your Soul)
I know in my retail days, the best customers always came around midday on the weekdays: The stay-at-home wives/moms. Given that they were wealthy enough not to have to work, they had money to spend…and they were always so super sweet and polite to us. They’d chit-chat with us about everything, which I loved because I try to make every woman I meet my best friend. Then I realized: It’s because they miss talking to adults.
And that was when I knew I never wanted to stay home all day.
(Being A Stay-At-Home Girlfriend Will Kill Your Soul)
If I had a penis, this article would’ve given me a hard on.
I’m not in the sea of women that is New York, but I am in the sea of women (sometimes more accurately referred to as ‘females’) at a big state university. The guys here have a similar attitude, and I feel like the overwhelming ratio (62% F, 38% M) makes the guys feel like they can live up their glory days and tally up their conquests. Not really fair for those of us who prefer committed relationships.
(The Heart Monitor: The Real Reason You’re Not Married)
Can we PLEASE talk about Finola Hughes on the old version of What Not to Wear? Not only did she do the whole “pant” thing, she also called things “chocolate” instead of “chocolate brown.”
Example: Pair that lovely blouse with a nice chocolate pant.
Maybe my mind is in the gutter but wearing a “chocolate pant” would make me feel like I’d had an accident.
(Snooty Fashion Slang: “A Pant”)
Spring Chicken: You know a HUGE percentage of the population has the herp right? Ask any medical professional you know. Lots of people don’t know they have it ’cause they don’t get tested and you don’t necessarily have outbreaks. I had a mixed up blood test once that got me very schooled on the subject and completely changed the way I look at it. It’s also um, not a CHOICE like smoking is. (Poll: Would You Rather Date A Smoker Or A Herpes Haver?)
L: But…They’re spectacular tits. You know you like it. (Enough With Brooklyn Decker’s Tits Already)
Nessy: As I AM a giant goddess, I think these are the perfect little pillars for my alabaster feet. KNEEL! (What Do You Think Of Mischa Barton’s Nude Shoes?)
Penelope: So help me, I’m using ‘emphemeral’ in a sentence today! (Gallery: Evening Rituals That Won’t Turn You Into Bridget Jones)
Serena: I can just see it now: “The Newest Beauty Must-Have for People Who Aren’t on a Diet!” And I’d like to point out that they’ve now created lip gloss frosting but still no birth control for men. At least we have pretty doughnuts! (Food Is Fashionable: Is This The World’s Most Stylish Doughnut?)
Lo: If I had a bunch of terrifying guard dogs, I’d dye them all candyfloss-pink and spray them periodically with glitter. For the would-be burglar, fear plus indignity. (Is Dyeing Your Dog Ever A Good Idea?)
You know what else is all-natural?
Call me when they make syphilis-enhanced ice cream.
I’m not on the cow milk train, either–milk is made for babies of one’s own species. We’re desensitized to this with regard to cow’s milk, and you can make cases for the reason being big agriculture/big business/your mother telling you three glasses a day is necessary or you’ll die a horrible calcium-depleted death. We find the idea of adults consuming breast milk unsettling probably because consuming bodily fluids isn’t something we do on a normal basis. The image of nursing is okay for babies, too, but crosses into that weirdly sexual territory for adults. Don’t think the solution (assuming we’re seeing it as a problem) is to promote adults drinking breast milk, though.
(Ice Cream Store Will Sell Frozen Breast Milk)
Manda: When I saw that picture, I thought she was doing a tribute photo-shoot to The Joker, and something went horribly wrong. The truth is even scarier. (Heidi Klum’s Seriously Funny Kid’s Show Is Seriously Dumb)
Mary: Ironic how that woman must have children to be fulfilled, but only if they aren’t single moms, because they’ll ruin society. (How Reporter Vanessa Grigoriadis Was Mommy-Shamed After Biebergate)