Just look at that beauty. Look at how it straddles that furry chair like a pro, its body perfectly angled to seduce your entire being. Watch how it all but eye-fucks the cameraman, the make-up artists who stand around in awe and the lowly assistants whom it will never give the time of day.

Imagine its touch; to feel its warm, gooey body against your hand and fingertips. The heat from it is pulsating against your palm and your heartbeat starts to speed up; you’re overcome by desire and you slightly gasp at the thought of having it, of not sharing it with a single soul. You want to grab it, hide it from the rest and have your way with it out of sight from others who might try to sneak a lick.

Now picture that slice in your mouth. Run your tongue over your upper lip, close your eyes and feel the sensation of the cheese fondling your palate, teasing your taste buds and saturating your entire mouth with an aching goodness. And as you bite down, embrace the explosion of flavor, notice how it drips down your throat and slides with grace as if this is exactly what you’ve been waiting for your whole life.

You begin to feel a bit toasty. When you touch your forehead, you realize you’re sweating along your hairline. You feel bothered. The need to consume, the need to devour, the need to swallow that hot piece whole is taking over your every thought as your breath quickens and you realize you must, at all costs, have it inside you–

If that’s how you feel when you look at this slice of piece “sexily” draped over that chair, then the pizza pin-up calendar is for you. New York pizzeria L’asso has created this dreamy “Pizza Is My Lover” 2012 calendar for those of us who immediately think of sex when we see pizza. Comedian Greg Barris, who is also a partner at L’asso, and photographer Ashley Macknica have put together this food porn for all the senses and it can be yours for a mere $10.

Masturbation just got a whole lot more interesting. Yum.


(Photo: Greg Barris and Ashley Macknica)