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This is apparently an actual news story. An outbreak of the equine herpes virus in Farmington, Utah has caused the Davis County Sheriff’s Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest to cancel all horse-related events. But that’s not gonna stop these spunky lil’ queens from showing off their hard won cowgirl skills! Personally, I would’ve liked to see the horses replaced with tigers, or maybe large flightless birds (a true cowgirl is adaptable), but they decided to go the pre-school route and use hobby horses. This is sort of like that episode of “The Office” when Will Ferrell performs his motivational juggling routine sans balls, no?

My favorite part of this whole thing comes around 00:30 in the video, when one of the contestants spews this brilliant observation:

“A stick horse…it’s a lot different because you have to do all the work, and I think it’s going to be a lot more tiring…than with a real horse.”

You don’t say. But what’s your opinion on opposite marriage, sweetie? I think we might have the next Carrie Prejean on our hands.

And if you’re wondering why I haven’t made a joke about barebacking yet, it’s because horse herpes isn’t transmitted that way, so you can all get your minds out of the gutter now, thanks.