Crystal debuted new chompers on Twitter back in June, according to, but for the record, it would have been fine with me if she kept them how they were. As you know, since you follow my writing diligently, I’ve always been a Crystal Bowersox fan. And I was an unlikely one — had I just seen her and never heard her sing or talk, I would have written her off as a dirty hippie. Now I know that even though she IS a dirty hippie, she’s an awesome one, and one day we will be besties.

And again, if we were friends already, I would have stuck by her side, new teeth or not. If she had called me for advice, I would have been all, “Crystal, you’re beautiful just the way you are. You don’t need to go changing anything!” She would have half-heartedly agreed with me, but I would have heard the disappointment in her voice so then I would have followed up with, “But if you really want to fix your teeth, I totally support you. Do you need a ride or anything?”

Then we would have eaten homemade peanut butter and I would have taught her son how to play backgammon.