Apparently, three’s a thing out there in the world called “butt-chugging.” Unfortunately, it’s exactly what it sounds like — people getting wasted by ingesting alcohol through their assholes.

The practice is in the news this week because a student at the University of Tennessee was recently hospitalized after having chugged wine through his butt and winding up, according to the Knoxville Sentinel, with a blood alcohol level of well over .4%.

At any rate, it seems like a good time to bring this up because it’s Big Girl Badge week here at The Gloss, and with that in mind, we’d like to request that you never, ever, ever consume alcohol via a tube inserted into your rectum. It’s not classy, ladies, it doesn’t matter that it will get you drunk very quickly, and also, no one should really ever see you with a tube inserted into your anus besides your doctor and your family in the case of a serious emergency. It is also not a thing that Big Girls do.

No, just to be clear, if Big Girls want to get wasted, we chug alcohol through our mouths. That alcohol should be something respectable, like whiskey or tequila. Never chug wine, don’t chug beer if you’re over the age of 21, and for the love of God don’t ever chug flavored martinis or cocktails. That’s called asking for the worst hangover of your life.