Every night at around 7:00 p.m., I take my dog for a walk. And every night, I think about the possibility of one of the mammoth spiders that build their invisible webs in my neighborhood descending upon me from out of the darkness, and staying put on my person for an indefinite of time because I can’t see to get them off. This is one of the most terrifying thoughts of my day.

So I thought I’d compile a list of a things that could happen to me that might be worse than having a spider freefall onto my head, with the hope of maybe eliminating my fear. These are, of course, excluding serious physical injury:

I could come home to find that my computer has crashed and I’ve lost all my work for the day — nay, my life.

I could get a scorpion in my shoe.

I could be the person among us that confirms first-hand the existence of toilet snakes.

Along those lines, I could turn out to be right about the possibility of sharks in pools.

I could somehow wind up like the people who got stuck in the middle of the ocean in that one movie.

I could pull back the covers one night to find a potato bug (link NSF insect-phobics), which would not only be horrifying but very expensive because obviously then I’d have to get new sheets, a new bed and a new apartment.

So I guess there are a few things that would be a little bit worse. Feel free to add to this list in the comment section.

*ADDENDUM: As if my fear of spiders wasn’t already bad enough, I have now been permanently traumatized by trying to google an image to accompany this post. I suggest you avoid ever doing the same.