Man breaks into Denver woman's home to take world's creepiest selfie.

Photo: Denver Police

Ready to feel like you never want to exist alone without five giant bodyguards ever again?

A couple weeks ago, a man broke into a woman’s house in Denver as she put her children to bed at around 9:20 PM. Now, obviously that is horrifying enough, but the way she found out makes my arms, legs and future self get goosebumps for days. After waking up the next day, she looked on her phone and there was the photo above. That’s right: the intruder broke in and took the creepiest selfie that anyone has ever seen, ever.

The woman says she had no idea he was even in the house. Given that the man did not take anything, he appears not to be a thief; so, there is the utterly horrifying prospect that he may have done this before and simply opted to leave a calling card this time. I feel I should mention that at this very moment, I am debating getting an axe for my room “just to have it.”

A nearby resident says he recognizes the man, according to CBS Denver:

“And he looks familiar to me, everybody else says they didn’t see him but he looks familiar to me, I know I’ve seen him before,” said neighbor Richard Gardner.

Police said the man walked into the home through the back door, took the picture and left. He didn’t take anything.

Gardner said he recognized the man on the selfie.

“He doesn’t have glasses when you normally see him walking down the street. Maybe they’re a disguise. I don’t know,” said Gardner.

When asked about the facial hair, Gardner replied, “Oh, that’s his, that’s him.”

Well, in the random event that any of you recognize Creepzilla, according to ABC News, here’s how you can help this justifiably terrified woman sleep peacefully and at ease once more:

Authorities are still on the hunt for the suspect and are offering a $2,000 reward for any information leading to his arrest.

Anyone with information is asked to call Denver police at (720) 913-2000. Remain anonymous and call Crime Stoppers at (720) 913-STOP (7867). Text to CRIMES (274637) then title DMCS and enter the message or send an e-mail to

In other news, I give up on everything, phones and homes and selfies included.