When I saw this mention of the book The Quotable Douchebag on Guest Of a Guest, I knew I had to own a copy. The book lived up to its hilarious, head-smacking potential, as you’ll witness here:

“Do you know why God created woman? Because sheep can’t type.” – Kenneth Armbrister (former Democratic Senator from Texas)

“My skin is more beautiful than yours. I would be very popular in jail if I so chose.” – Gene Simmons

“I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” – David Dinkins (former mayor of New York City)

“There are so many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me.” – David Hasselhoff

“All men shall be my slaves! All women shall succumb to my charms! All mankind shall grovel at my feet and not know why!” – L. Ron Hubbard

“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history.” – Dan Quayle

“I think a man can have two, maybe three, affairs while he is married. But three is the absolute maximum. After that, you’re cheating.” – Yves Montand

“I resent your insinuendoes.” – Richard Daley (former mayor of Chicago)

“I’m the Hiroshima of love.” – Sylvester Stallone

“Time will tell. The Ice Man is legit.” – Vanilla Ice

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