In a new feature, Petty Grievances, we’ll let everyone rant about something they hate in 300 words or less. And since they’re petty grievances, think less “injustice” and more “that guy holding up the line at Starbucks because he can’t figure out how to order.” Our EIC will start things off. You can submit your own Grievances to

I Hate When People Comment On Their Own Facebook Status Updates

Look, everybody knows that Facebook is narcissistic. No one actually gives a shit about going to see your band play or your improv troupe perform or whatever, but they went to middle school with you and therefore feel obligated to keep “maybe”ing your repeated invites and fanpage requests.

Facebook at its core is basically about shouting into the void and hoping someone hears you. I appreciate when people try to post a status update that is about something slightly more interesting than what they had for breakfast or what the weather is like today. You can obsessively refresh your page a thousand times in the next fifteen minutes hoping someone finds you clever or interesting enough to respond to your status, but you know what the absolute lamest thing you can do is? Comment on your own status. Especially when you’re the first comment, and your comment just clears up something from the status, like correcting a spelling error. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: a status update is not written in stone. Rather, it is written on the internet. That means that you can delete it. If you have a spelling mistake in your status, or if you wanted to clarify that you look extra fly tonight instead of just plain old fly, no need to comment on yourself – just delete and start over. Incredible, right?

While we’re at it, it is also stupid to “like” your own status. If you don’t like it, you probably shouldn’t have posted it.