It turns out that one of the most disgusting drinks in the history of the world is bad for you. No, I’m not talking about rum, although that’s pretty high on the list, too. I’m talking about that horrible bubble tea that I see people consuming up and down the streets of Chinatown and Soho all summer long. Why, people, why?

Some German researchers who obviously wanted to put an end to this beverage as much as I do, tested those fluffy, wonky “bubbles” and found that they’re chock-full of “polychlorinated biphenyls or PCBs such as styrene, acetophenone, and brominated substances.” That’s right, “polychlorinated biphenyls or PCBs such as styrene, acetophenone, and brominated substances.” And as we all know, those are bad things that we do not want in our body; they’re so bad, in fact, they can cause cancer and then you can probably die. Who wants to die over a bubble tea? Why are any of you drinking it anyway?

My gag reflex aside from whenever I see someone sucking one of those bubbles up through those phallic-looking extra thick straws, you now have an official, health reason to stay away from the junk for your own life! So do it. Put down the bubble tea and walk away. Now. Thank you.