Rihanna Ashton KutcherWhat were you doing last night? A Wednesday night… probably sleeping? Maybe catching a little America’s Next Top Model? Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. But I might have to judge a certain someone whose name starts with “Ri” and ends with “hanna.” Because while most of us were cuddled up in bed, she was supposedly having a bootie call with Ashton Kutcher.

First of all, I would like to admit that I feel a  little like a stalker, simply for knowing that Rihanna snuck out of @aplusk’s house about eight hours ago. I feel like I’ve gotten a little too intimate with her schedule. I’m also really sorry for the paps who have to sit around photographing everyone who walks in and out of Ashton Kutcher’s house. That sounds like the worst job on earth. We should probably get together and send those dedicated dudes some hand sanitizer or something.

Anyways, let’s just get this out of the way. WHY RIHANNA? Why would a talented, attractive woman move on from her horror of an ex to the world’s most skeezy step-dad? I’m completely incapable of finding any logic at all in this woman’s dating choices.

I realize that we’re all entitled to our own opinions. I know that we should blame the victim for choosing to go back to her violent partner. It’s a sad and scary cycle, that might have something to do with her nausea-inducing father. I can understand why she would have a difficult time dealing with men.

But Ashton? The guy who just got divorced after numerous affairs and whose ex-wife went through a very public breakdown? He took over a role from Charlie Sheen, and I think that we can all see the significance there.

Alright RiRi, time for a pep talk. Time for your girlfriends to step in. Someone call Katy Perry. We just want you to know that we love you and that you’re worth more than this. You can do better than this. We’ll support you in whatever you choose, but we really hope that you see how wrong this is.

(Photo: OMG)