“I don’t think they had breast augmentation in the 1700s…So it’s natural for casting people to say, ‘We want real people.'” — Jerry Bruckheimer, on insisting that actresses cast as mermaids in the fourth installment of Pirates of the Caribbean have real boobs.

“It will be elegant, darling. It will be done in a classy way.” — Countess Luann, on her upcoming semi-nude cameo on “Law & Order: SVU.”

“Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin, man, she’s good masturbation material. Glasses and all that. Great masturbation material.” — Tracy Morgan.