“Elmo loves Miss Katy and we had a good time, so we’ll have another play date.” — Elmo on Katy Perry being pulled from Sesame Street because of her excessive cleavage.

“I hereby declare every day between now and November 2—when O’Donnell’s nomination costs the GOP a Senate seat—to be Masturbate to Christine O’Donnell Day. Rub one out for freedom, people!” — Dan Savage in the Washington City Paper, declaring this the month to masturbate to the anti-masturbation politician

Q: What’s the best reason to date an American Apparel employee?
A: We’re clean and have symmetrical faces. — Michelle, American Apparel employee