When you get to be a certain age you start to notice that mainstream media loves telling you what to do. Every year Vogue magazine publishes their “Age Issue” which has style guides for what every woman should wear at a certain age, their twenties, their thirties and so on. If you hit the google machine and enter in “what not to wear after age ___” you are met with many links that will tell you items that women of a certain age should never, ever put on their bodies, lest this causes swarms of locusts to descend upon the earth and anyone who encounters them to have blood start dripping from their eyeballs as they clutch their heads in agony. It’s a whole mess of sartorial ageist bullshit. Here is just a sampling.
From Liz Jones, Who Wants Women Over Age 30 To Avoid Leopard Prints
If you are a teenager, a leopard-print chiffon maxi-dress can be knowing and innocent all at the same time. By 30 it should be avoided at all costs, even on a scarf or pair of tights.
I’m sorry, but leopard print is used as a neutral in my wardrobe. You can come steal all of it when I am in the nursing home and too busy playing bridge to notice.
Charla Krupp Says Women Over 30 Should Never Have A Tattoo
The best-selling author of “How Not To Look Old” says that women over 30 shouldn’t have tattoos. So we should all start saving for tattoo removal?
Clinton Kelly Says Older Women Should Never Have Long Hair
Long hair can look good on anyone as long as it is in good condition, and I totally disagree here.
“I’m here to tell you that after a certain age — let’s say 30 — ultralong styleless hair makes you appear to be desperately hanging onto your youth, or your man or both.”
Or, you know, maybe you just LIKE long hair.
O Magazine Says Not To Wear Distressed Denim
Sadly, Julianne Moore never received this memo and she should be scorned forever for leaving the house like this because she is over the age of 30. EYEROLL.
Modern Mom Says Not To Show Off Cleavage
“Anything that shows off too much is off-limits. In other words, either boobs or legs not both, please! Or, nix both boobs and legs and show off your sexy shoulders pick an off the shoulder top that lets your shoulder and cleavage show just a hint.”
Chic Stories Says Women Of A Certain Age Should Never Wear Leather
And according to this website older women should also:
Never Wear Bikinis
Here’s the deal with getting older. If you are lucky enough, it happens to everyone. And what you might vow to never wear past a certain age is going to change completely when you reach that certain age. There are certain rules of style every woman should follow, don’t wear stockings with runs on them out public unless it is on purpose, don’t wear a T-shirt exclaiming “Fuck Religion” when you are attending a baptism, try and not wear sweaters with pudding stains on it when you are interviewing for a job. But these go for all women, regardless of age.
Due to amazing projects like Ari Seth Cohen‘s gorgeous Advanced Stye blog (and coffee table book! And coloring book! And upcoming documentary!) we have started to appreciate how beautiful and stylish seniors can be. But we still tend to age-shame those betwixt the twenty-year-olds and the elderly, like the worst thing a woman can do after age thirty is go sleeveless. I know how to dress myself. I know what looks good on me. I have been around the block a few times and know not to wear a tutu to the grocery store. I’m a grownass woman. Please start treating me like one.
(Images: Wenn, Tumblr)