I legitimately do not remember the last time I read a grown-up book. Le sigh. But while I’m sure there are plenty of edifying and very important works of literature that I am missing out on, it’s not exactly like I’m not reading at all. In fact, last night I read Eloise a grand total of 57 times. Is Eloise a good role model? Probably not. But she certainly is her own person, and she has some important lessons that anybody can use, even if one is not being raised by a luxury hotel with absentee parents and a charge account at Bergdorf’s. Here are 9 very important style lessons from Eloise, who lives at the Plaza.
1. Kleenex makes a very good hat.
2. Always say please and thank you.
Eloise might be a spoiled terror and a nuisance in the lobby–and it is totally not OK to pour a pitcher of water down the mail chute–but she always says “please” and “thank you.” Politeness is always important. No one cares how cute or stylish you are if you are rude.
3. If you’re going to do a cartwheel, wear cute underwear.
Eloise’s fluffy pink bloomers let her do all kinds of things, like standing on her head, turning cartwheels, and skiddering down the hallways to make a loud and terrible racket. Matching them to her hairbow is a stroke of genius.
4. Be prepared for the elements.
If you’re going to climb into the rigging of the lights in the Grand Ballroom, make sure to have a visor in case there’s some sort of glare. If it’s too rainy, you can wear a slicker and rain hat while having lunch at the Palm Court.
5. An egg cup makes a very good hat.
When you live in a place that looks like this, nobody cares WTF you’re wearing on your head.
6. Corsets are very good for your back.
At least, that’s what Nanny says. Somehow I don’t think the same applies to Spanx.
7. A cabbage leaf is good for a headache, also it makes a very good hat.
Wearing clothes as clothes is basic. Food is where it’s at. When you spend three hours a day down where Catering is, you can pick up a few good avant garde fashion tips.
8. Be who you are, and if not, be Eloise
Sometimes you just need a break from being you. This is especially true if you have an annoying job or a boring relationship or way too many dumb duties to take care of. Just take a break. Go get a hotel room at the Plaza, or someplace you can pretend is the Plaza. Be selfish. Splash around. Order room service. Be demanding. An Eloise vacation is necessary every once in a while if most of your life involves taking recycling and doing things for other people that nobody ever appreciates.
9. Most things make very good hats.
OK, Eloise can turn most things into hats. I’m pretty sure she grew up to be Anna Dello Russo.