Do you ever wish you had a pet dinosaur to call your own? Are you angry and upset because their extinct status makes this dream virtually impossible to achieve? Do you ever shake your fists at the sky and curse the cruel unfairness of it all? “I ask for so little, and I can’t even get that,” you probably sigh as you trace pictures of an adorable T-Rex in the sand. (Lacking a dino companion, you had no choice but to go to the beach alone. So alone.)
Your salvation might just lie in a Craigslist ad titled “Unconventional Offer For Adventurous Home Owner,” in which a Vancouver home-seeker offers to act as your dinosaur companion 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in exchange for room and board. The ad reads as follows:
This offer is not for everyone. Those of you who have saved every penny for most of your life to afford a down payment and currently work around the clock to make mortgage payments, I commend you on your efforts, but this post is not for you.
Do you own more than one property? Do you have so many rental homes with no mortgage payments, yet you still feel unfulfilled? Tired of your illegal tenants whining that there are rats in the walls? Have you always wanted your own dinosaur? Now is your chance my friend.
In exchange for one of your properties, I will be your personal dinosaur for one year. I will be at your beck and call, 24 hours a day, wearing a dinosaur costume. The type of dinosaur is negotiable. I can babysit your children (references upon request), scare the mailman, wash dishes, entertain and impress your guests, and much more. (No sex stuff though, sorry.) I will make realistic dinosaur sounds, eat what the particular dinosaur eats and maybe even sit on a fake dinosaur egg, if you are so inclined. I am well educated, fluent in English and French (as well as dinosaur), can play several musical instruments and have no criminal record or outstanding warrants.
All this and more. This is the only way you will ever have your pet dinosaur, and the only way I will ever be able to acquire a house in Vancouver.
Serious offers only please.
It’s almost as good as having a real, live dinosaur, right? Maybe better, because it’s less likely to eat you.
My buddy Jen Doll at the Village Voice got in touch with the ad’s poster and found out it’s actually two people, a man and a woman, offering to act as your reptile companion. They say they are mostly joking, but they’d certainly do it if anyone actually took them up on the offer. They haven’t had any takers yet, but they remain hopeful:
Would you actually do it?
We’d definitely consider it! It’s like someone giving you a winning lottery ticket. Having your own place in Vancouver — you’re kind of set for life. The idea is, What can someone never have in their entire life? A dinosaur.
Is that how you feel about real estate, too?
It’s kind of like real estate. I don’t know, it’s been so funny. We’ve been constantly laughing about the replies that we’ve been getting. Someone called us “a dirty scumbag”? It’s like…come on.
We did get someone responding back saying, “I am very interested, please contact me asap.” We wrote back, but haven’t heard back again. Would we do this? I mean, I think so. We’ve both had way worse jobs! I used to work at a dog day-care place. Being a dinosaur would be kind of nice.
So basically, I need to make a lot of money really quickly so I can buy an apartment in Vancouver in which to house my awesome new pet. Anyone wanna go in on it with me?
(Via Runnin Scared)