How do I loathe this video? Let me count the ways.

I loathe the self-satisfied expression on the blonde woman’s face because she knows she’s doing something “hilarious.”

I loathe how fucking dirty their feet are.

I loathe her musical giggles signifying she is just so free, like the Buddha.

I loathe Yoga Guy’s shitty little soul patch and bun.

I loathe the way Yoga Guy says “we are not homeless but we accept…” like he’s being really funny.

I loathe the full-throated laughter with which everyone responds.

I loathe the fact that someone thought this should be on the Internet.

Basically, I loathe it all. I realize not everyone’s body violently rejects yoga the way mine does, but exercise is something that should stay hidden away in a gym where nobody can smell your yoga farts. The type of person who is so proud of their “practice” that they want to do it on the subway deserves to be forced to do downward dog forever in hell. Yoga is only cute when cats do it without realizing it. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.