Everybody panic

As humanity launches itself into the flaming corona of the Future, the life cycle of trend pieces will grow shorter. Panicked, breathless headlines will proliferate in the news-swamps, grabbing hapless travelers and screaming them to their deaths. Everything you’re doing is wrong. You’re not having children until you’re 50 and when you do you they’re immediately sent to the spice mines to start paying off their future student loans.

Things start bad and get worse from there. Tina Brown uploads her consciousness to every personal computer in America, shrieking her favorite stories culled from Google News every hour, on the hour.

Can Muslims Breastfeed? Do Lesbians Create Autism or Is It Choice?

Is Facebook Making Us Feel More Non-Monogamy: The New Face of the Old Part That’s the Same (And Why That’s A Good Thing)

Do Vaccines Prevent Female CEOs With Children in Charter Schools From “Having It All”? Also Something About Stay-At-Home Dads

Banish Belly Fat With One Weird Little Trick From An Actual Witch

What Your Libyan Rebel Crush Says About You

Panic! How Your Brain Is Working Against You: The Ten Most Dangerous Cities in America and Why Your Vote May Not Matter As Much As You Think

CAN THINGS BE DO NOUNS…..WORRY FACE IS GOOD BAD?? WHY I HURT //// “stock photo anger moms”

[Image via Flickr]