Our esteemed founding editor Lilit is moving on to edit our sister site, Crushable, beginning February 28th. So. Will you be able to anticipate a new era of constant dick jokes and Star Wars allusions at TheGloss? Sort of! Here’s what it means for you:
1) We’re bidding a fond farewell to Ben Schwartz and the GrrFriend comic. However, Lindsay Cross, Jen Dziura, Elizabeth “The Misanthropologist” Richard, The eBabes and Brandy Alexander will still be appearing as regularly scheduled. I had hoped that being editor-in-chief would mean that Elizabeth Richard wouldn’t always be calling me at 3 in the morning trying to convince me to do whippits and “score some glue” but, well, I guess I thought wrong.
2) We’re pleased to report that we have a new relationship advice columnist. We captured Karl Lagerfeld mostly using techniques gleaned from the movie Taken and have been keeping his clone down in the basement. In exchange for Diet Coke, he’s agreed to advise readers on their romantic situations. You can direct any romantic quandaries you have to us (Jennifer[at]thegloss.com or Ashley[at]thegloss.com) for him to answer. Other new (corporeal) additions to the columnists are in the works, and we’ll keep you updated so you can prepare to haze them in advance. Don’t be afraid to body shame them!
3) We want to hear from you, because you are the Master to our Blaster. We want you to pitch us like you’re Joe Dimaggio. If you’ve written a piece that you want featured on TheGloss, send it to us. If it contains Star Wars and dick jokes with some vague tie to fashion (like you mention that Darth Vader wears black) we’ll probably republish it on the site. We can’t pay you, though. We’re sorry. It’s mostly because we suck, but I like to place a lot of blame on Arianna Huffington. E-mail me (again, Jennifer[at]thegloss.com, though really I just keep putting my e-mail down because I’m pushing for some mash notes.)