Heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers! According to Time Magazine. HURRAH! Bring this article to you next intervention (ie, the next time your “friends” and “family members” try to kill you).

Now, to be fair, moderate drinkers (1 to 3 drinks a day, preferably red wine) live longer than both of them. Scientists aren’t completely certain why drinking a lot is better for you than not drinking at all. They speculate it could be due to socioeconomic factors – since drinking is expensive, people who do so regularly might also pay for better medical care. Or it could be due to higher stress levels among people who never drink. They also speculate that it might be because heavy drinkers have more friends.

Or it might just be that they have more to live for. We’ll let our friend Frank Sinatra take this one:

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”